Five-hundred words each day.

It’s a high goal. I will set my goal and try to write at least 500 words a day, for 500 days. there shouldn’t be limits in form or content. there should be no limits in ideas. what ever comes to mind. 500 words in the least.

Merlin often speaks about how difficult it is to write anything on any given day. I can fully understand this. writing about anything is just as hard as can be.

I might feel embarrassed of what I write and don’t what I write. well, i don’t have to publish it, it will just sit in my dropbox. I might get distracted, by my daughter, by the weather, by ars technica or what ever else.

here is my personal goal: I want to loose my hesitation to do things. if I have a most negative characteristic is probably that I often hesitate, with things that are easy enough to be done right away.

as an example: I am currently in the depressing situation to have to find a job. and I am not capable to write applications in the speed and quantity I should in order to get a position quickly.

right now I am conducting this writing experiment instead of writing a simple cover letter for an interesting position I know I would like to fill out!

well, that was a 15 minutes break to change my daughters nappy. ^-^

what is the root of the problem? can I describe what I think in 500 words? well:

1. I hate selling.¹
2. I hate selling my self, my work, self-promotion, etc.²
3. I just want to work.³

now I can continue to stick my head in the sand, send job applications in modest numbers and trust my talent will be seen.

or I do what I hate and sell myself until someone buys me and continue to try to find the job that i will truly love.⁴ generally speaking: I love every job I do, because it keeps me alive and feeds my family.

so, written enough, with the footnotes close to 600. time to write a cover letter.⁵

(update: the following monday I wrote 4 applications altogether. I am getting better at this!)

This is the end,

my indifferent friend.

Standing in Shinuya I think back over 2 years at my School.

I am very happy and thankful I could work there and teach people, bringing some knowledge on language and country in was born in to the people, as well as simply keeping my head over water, feeding my family. Of cause being laid off means to find a new job. And I hate the fucking job hunt. I never liked it, but this time i am impressively calm, because in know

my heart will go on

And now I beat a shovel in my face, I hate that song. Anyway, I feel confident. I know I will find a job that will pay more, I know, I might again break the hearts of students, whom might hope to come closer. But lovely is unbeatable.

And sadly I might even know the reason for being laid off and I will come back to it in a future piece.

Over the cause of the last weeks I said goodbye to 40 students I liked.

I received presents of unspeakable value. Price but especially emotional wise.

3 students presented me with handkerchiefs, how I love them. Since 2005 I actually kinda collect them and never leave the house without.  I sound ironic to myself, but I mean it.

I received wine from my home town, food and a lot of comfort and well wishes tonight.

Tonight was my farewell party, a 3 hour voice,  with wine and bread and ham and cheese and snacks, given and presented by my brilliant students. We ate and drank in amounts higher then I earned in a month there. My common joke over the past 3 weeks has become:

I should be laid off more often!

My students. Tonight we have a family and as Tocotronic once sang:

So jung komm’ wir nicht mehr zusammen. (this young we won’t come together again.)

The party was stormed by my co-workers and went into a babylonian speech confusion.

Even a student who just had her first lesson yesterday attended. So I tried to entertain her in English.

Two years as a shadow worker ended tonight. Now it’s maybe time to get work in the broad daylight again.

I have arrived in Ofuna. I through every form over board. I dance to Nine Inch Nails “The Slip”. [I actually always come back to them, when I look for a job.]

In this job I have lived through a small taste of what the big bang will be, when Tokyo’s wooden house will burn down and will have to walk the fucking post apocalyptic ashes to get home. Not that night though. That day in the 6th floor I had 2 students, one of whom called me back, stating

Komm zurück, wir haben noch Unterricht (come back, we are still in a lesson)!

Yesterday she and her fellow student presented me with a beautiful dark blue Burberry handkerchief, which i will wear at my interviews in suits. The shouting student ended up staying over at a co-workers place, Rさん, together with another co-worker and me.

Todays blue and brown handkerchiefs I will wear at non suit interviews and on my first work day at the new job.

These 100 people that met me on a regular pace over the last years have been burned into my heart, have shaped my personality and paid my rent. They will not forget me. They will over time forget my face, my voice. But not my knowledge, my humor and my iconic yearning.

One last word on the company: we where not allowed to drink before the last lesson for silly reasons. But we had hella lot good wine (even Saale-Unstrut, from my home). I told then that and gave them the bottle opener. I was still bound by company rules, so had to show them the way, but they had to go through them self. They did.

My dearest friends. This movie has ended. The curtain has closed and we all went home. We have never been light and easy on one another. But we have discussed the things important to us, studied and learned so much.

The next movie festival will begin in five weeks. Take seat and enjoy the show.

PS: And everything I didn’t say has not been forgotten or apprichitaed!

2010年10月22日～22時12分—23時59分～渋谷—港南台